Conflict Competency: 5 Steps to Harness Its Power + The Neuroscience Behind It
Conflict is not something we should be trying to prevent or solve, we just need to learn how to manage it well.
Harnessing its power and limiting its potential to cause harm starts with understanding a little more about how it impacts all of us.
Navigating our neurological response to conflict.
Although the sources and types of conflict we experience have changed over the last 2000 years, our natural responses to conflict remain largely the same. The brain has a stress response to current or potential conflict and prepares the body to do one of three things.
Fight —> Attack the conflict head on. Historically, this may have involved killing a bear. Now, it may be a heated conversation with a colleague, or terse email to a client.
Flight —> Run away from the problem. Historically, this may have been physically running from a wild animal. Now, it may be avoiding a tricky phone call or actively avoiding someone in the office.
Freeze —> Completely stop, attempting to assess the situation, avoiding any action that may increase the threat level. Historically, this may have involved hiding in long grass or remaining still while the threat passed by. Now, it may mean becoming speechless in a challenging conversation or an inability to respond effectively to an overly direct or forthright colleague or customer.
How does this play out inside the brain?
The above response commonly known as fight or flight – is more accurately named the Amygdala Hijack Response.
In the moment, we generally see an initial emotional response to the conflict, followed by the parts of the brain responsible for thinking (the Cortex) shutting down. Adrenaline and Cortisol are released, to help prepare us to fight or run from the conflict.
This adrenaline will stay in the body for about 18 minutes.
Our ability to think clearly, plan, reason, and make good decisions is reduced significantly for this period – like trying to stream your favorite show via a poor internet connection, your cognitive capability is now buffering.
Unsurprisingly poorly managed conflict or low level of conflict competency leads to a range of negative outcomes.
Poor decision making, both in how we behave or respond to the situation in the moment and also with the outcomes we contribute to or agree on as an outcome of this conflict.
Reduced motivation or desire to return to the potential source of conflict. Which in a workplace setting could see colleagues avoiding one another, or team members not following up with external stakeholders such as suppliers or even customers.
In addition, where team members have not been supported in developing their conflict competency, we can see the development of undesirable interpersonal outcomes, lingering tension, the potential of social factions or subgroups developing. This can lead to a range of counterproductive behaviors and undesirable cultural outcomes likely to include a sense of fear and anxiety around future conflict.
Reframing conflict
Despite all of this, our goal is not to remove or solve conflict. High performing teams and organisations require conflict if they are to challenge themselves and each other, collaborate effectively, solve problems and generally work together to achieve collective targets and goals.
Conflict, simply put is a situation where two or more parties hold differing views that seem to be somewhat incompatible. So, the only way to truly remove conflict from our organisations is to have everyone agree on everything all the time. Which not only sounds somewhat boring at a human level, we know that a room full of “yes” people will not be the catalyst for dynamic problem solving, innovation and remarkable organisational achievement.
What we need to do is harness the power of conflict, of differing views and opinions by building conflict competency in our teams.
Our Conflict Competency Tool Kit
5 Key Tools for Navigating Conflict
Effectively navigating conflict with competence and reaping the benefits of these courageous conversation requires the use of five key tools.
1 - Awareness
Identifying that the situation has, or is likely to, escalate into a conflict situation, focusing on the situational and neurological signs of conflict.
2 - Self-Preparation
Once we have identified that conflict is occurring, or is likely, we need to prepare ourselves effectively to manage the conflict in a constructive way. Effective self-preparation will help us to avoid an Amygdala Hijack response and increase the chances of a positive outcome.
3 - Conflict Reduction
We want our teams to be able to take the emotional energy out of the situation for both parties. We’re not at our best when upset, and neither is the other party. Lowering the emotional energy will allow us to better negotiate and increase our changes of finding a win-win outcome.
4 - Negotiation
Negotiation is the fourth tool in our conflict competency toolkit. It will help us to identify what both parties want, and potential paths to achieve this. (use of an evidence based conflict resolution model is helpful in providing structure)
5 - Agreement
Bringing the period of conflict to a close, ensures both parties understand and have agreed to an outcome or next steps.
Ascent People Insights focusses on the development of these tools when developing Conflict Competency training. We know that with the right evidence based approach all businesses can enjoy the benefits of well managed conflict.
Curious about how conflict competency could benefit your workplace? Let’s talk about how we can support your team with evidence-based strategies.